Reasons I’m not giving up this time:

Because I gave up so many times before and I need to earn me back some self-respect!!

Because I’ve already wasted 5 years being overweight and I’ll be that much more disappointed in myself if I waste any more damn time!

Because I hate that people don’t really look you in the eye and smile at you properly the way they do when you’re thin. You catch them looking at you when you’re not looking at them, with a slightly sad look on their face, thinking, ‘she’d be so pretty if she just lost weight!’

Because I REALLY hate that up-and-down look that people give you when you’ve gained weight. Especially people you knew years ago when you were skinny and who have never struggled with their weight a day in their life. And they have no idea that it’s written all over their faces.

Because I hate helping my hubby buy clothes and have the salesperson look at me and my frumpy fat clothes and make it oh-so-obvious that they’re thinking, ‘who the hell are you to act like you can pick clothing?’ And I feel like screaming, YOU go look for hot, funky clothing in size 20 and let’s see how you look!!

Because I hate the smug look a certain relative gets when she sees you again, and she’s looking trendy and hot, and she’s looking at you feeling superior. Like, be thin, but be happy with yourself, and be NICE about it! Geez.

Because I hate looking for clothes and not being able to find anything remotely sexy or funky in my size. I HATE that bras are all supportive and sexy in sizes 6-14, but at 16+ they turn into flimsy, lacy nothing that wouldn’t keep a rock steady. Hello! Big girls need MORE support, not less!

Because I hate getting into a bathing suit. Full stop. Nothing looks good on whale.

Because I CAN. NOT. keep putting on weight like it’s not a problem. 5kg a year = dead by 50. And the more I put on, the more I have to then take off. I can’t believe I let myself get to this weight in the first place! It’s time to get control of this NOW.

Because even though I’ve been fooling myself that I don’t eat that badly, ‘it’s just portion size;’ my health is headed downhill and I don’t want to get diabetes and break bones and feel crap and lose my knees and all the rest. I fear being old and fat– taking fistfulls of pills, injecting insulin daily and hardly moving out of the house like my grandma – it doesn’t seem like much of a life. Hmm..exclamation mark

Repeat After Me: no more giving up!