So. I had my week off. Deserved, yes, due to some very frustrating lack of losses with lack of reasons, but at the end of the day I have acknowledged that I have no choice but to continue my journey. I can’t stay fat – I can’t keep being this person who can’t control herself, doesn’t like herself, can’t eat, dress, feel, act the way she’d like to. So I suppose that’s why it’s easy for me to WANT to get back on track, but still, getting back on is easier said than done.

One of the hardest things seems to be stopping WANTING to be off-track. It seems I have a different craving each day when I’m off-track, and all I do is think about food and what food to have next. Now that I’m back on track, I don’t think about food so much, which I think is healthy – and as long as I’ve got some filling but low-point options available, I’m not dreaming and thinking about bad food all the time. I guess that’s a very good thing, but is that why I go for those high-fat options when I’m off-track or having a weak day? Am I really ‘denying myself’ when I’m eating healthfully? It doesn’t feel like I’m denying myself – I use my points to eat what I’m craving when I crave it so I don’t sabotage myself – so maybe it’s more that when I’ve let loose, I let loose my foodie imagination, too. Strange. I seem to sit around thinking of evil things to eat so I can ‘enjoy’ them – but then – I can’t enjoy them THAT much, or I’d crave them all the time, wouldn’t I? So why do I make the off-track situation so much worse by telling myself I want to eat like a junk-food-banshee? I actually don’t! Who really feels good about themselves after consecutively eating pizza, maccas, kfc, fish&chips & HJs for a few days straight? I reckon anyone would feel bloated and crappy and nasty. Why would we wish that upon ourselves?

I know I feel really good about myself when I can sit back after a meal and go, put some thought into it, check, healthy food, check, didn’t overeat, check = feeling good! So why do I even want those other evil foods? – some of them aren’t even really that nice! I mean, come on – a Maccas burger looks good on the ad, but in reality, do they ever taste or look as good as the ad? Because mine always seem mushy and slapped together and the chips are usually soggy or not salty or cold or whatever. Hmmm. And yet we tell ourselves we are ‘missing out’ on something if we don’t eat this junk! What a load of rubbish. We do some very strange things, don’t we?

Anyhoo: Repeat After Me – the sooner I get back on track after a bit of bumpy road, the better I’ll feel & the less damage I’ll do.

And the sooner I stop kidding myself that eating crap food makes me feel good, the better I’ll do with my weight loss and brain-changes.

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