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Repeat After Me

Surviving Life, Love & Babies..

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Weight Loss

Winning the Gestational Diabetes Lottery..

Soo. I am currently 35 weeks in my second pregnancy.. so we’ve only got about 5 weeks to go now, little girl due technically on the 24th of Nov, but am having some trouble with gestational diabetes, won the lotto on that one with 4% of the pregnant population, lucky me, so am having to be very good with my diet and things and inject myself with insulin etc.. not much fun. At first I really did think it was the end of the world, and had to go have a diabetes clinic appointment at the hospital where they told me I’d have to eat a low carb, low sugar diet, and prick my finger to test my blood glucose levels 6 times per day till they knew how bad things were. Wasn’t very happy at the end of that appointment.

So i dutifully went home, ate salad and veggies, and pricked my fingers, only to see some unwelcome patterns in my bloods that basically included high fasting glucose levels (First thing in the morning, your blood sugars should be low, but mine were consistently over the limits set by the powers that be, even though all I was doing was sleep.) So.. joy.. the lovely ladies at the clinic told me that there was nothing i could do about overnight levels – pregnant bodies make most of their preggie hormones at night, and my body just wasn’t coping with the pregnancy. So i had to start insulin shots. I know, I’m a big wuss, but when they showed me how to inject myself there were plenty of tears – I hate needles! – and over the next few days I took deep breaths and steeled myself to push that damned needle in, but slowly the fear wore off, and now I do my shots like a good girl each night.

I think mainly it was the hump of having to do it at all! I just wanted to sit on the couch like a sloth and eat cake and get fat like so many other pregnant women, and eating rabbit food and injecting myself on a nightly basis didn’t exactly feature in my slovenly plans.

I’m also really hoping that I don’t end up with Type 2 as a parting gift from this pregnancy, but there’s about a 50/50 chance I’ll get it (if I don’t simply continue to have it after the birth) within a few years with my risk factors and all (being an older mum, being technically obese, and having Diabetes in the family) so lucky me! NOT feeling happy about that part! I have to lose significant weight right after the birth to lower the chances. I know, it’s technically a good thing, but I’m well aware how hard that will be since I put on 10kgs after my son was born.. Cos you know, sleeplessness and breastfeeding (provided i can this time) aren’t enough to deal with on their own… Anyhow.

It may also mean that I get induced early to keep little girl out of danger – I’ve got a raft of medical appointments on the 4th of Nov to decide if they are going to get her out early or not. So we shall see. One way or another as long as we both get through it, I guess it’s not the end of the world, but i was kinda hoping to have a natural birth like last time.. and the more they interfere the more likely I’ll just end up getting her c’d out. so that sucks, but i guess it’s too early to stress about that yet. The joys!! But if there is anyone else out there who has just been diagnosed with GD and is freaking out as much as I did, take heart, in a month or so you’ll be feeling a lot more comfortable with things again. It doesn’t have to ruin your enjoyment of your pregnancy and it IS something that you can deal with. I’m a huge wuss and I am managing. So take heart xx And I guess we do this one step at a time 🙂20161015_094728

Christmas Kilos… and a few more..

Right. Got home from a month in Perth with the family over the summer break, and brought a few new friends home with me, namely, 3 extra kgs. Boo.

So first week home I went hard and did a soup diet as a kick-start. Did well too.. proud of myself, lost 2 kgs… buuuuuut…. died in the ass. damn it. slowly I see myself opening the fridge more and picking at this and that more… joy.. I feel like I need to do the soup diet till my bad habits are gone, but I have a bad feeling that they just lie in wait. they hang out for me to have my first taste of cake and then run riot. They sit on the sidelines till I put a sneaky sugar in my tea when out, and then they jump up and down every time I make a cup of tea at home. They hide behind the goodies on the hidden shelf till I look there in quiet desperation, and then once I’ve been weak once, they call my name constantly till all the good goodies are gone. Boo.

I thought losing weight was hard when I was 25 and had no kids. Add 10 years and a ten month old baby who doesn’t sleep – cue total lack of motivation and sad, sad sodden willpower. My will is like a wet cabbage. lol. No iron here. sigh.

How can I get my weight loss mojo back? How can I get motivated when I’m not at all? I have to, for my own sake. I said I’d never weigh 100kgs again, and yet here I am staring down 102 and feeling like a fat fatty boombah. Ho hum.

I guess I better make soup tomorrow!! 🙂

 

 

Plan for Today. I can do this.

SO I’ve had my first week of being serious again, and I’ve made a start – did x5 exercise which is the best effort for months, but need to really get serious about sticking to my calories. After months and months of giving in to every whim and fancy (and cake and biscuit and chocolate square) – I’m finding it quite hard to be disciplined. I’m counting my points up late in the day and finding ‘m already waay too close to the line, and then it blows out. Hmm.

I’m seriously going to have to plan ahead more if I’m going to get anywhere.

So.

Tomorrow’s plan.

BREAKY: Eggs and avocado for breaky, 1 toast.

SNACK: 2 peanut butter balls and a cup of tea for snack

LUNCH: Tuna, Sweet Potato and Salad

SNACK: Homemade low cal muffin, spirulina smoothie.

TEA: Schnitzel and Veggies. Strawberries & yoghurt for dessert. Chai tea later on.

Right. I’ve put it out there for all the world to see, so now I’m going to have to stick to it. AND do a walk or exercise DVD. AND drink my 4 huge glasses of water (8cups).. AND stay sane enough to deal with my darling son who has decided to teeth and get a rash. Joy. I can do it, right?

Goodo – have a good day, all J

Me Right Now.. Starting from Scratch.

So. I’m all caught up, and I want to move forward from here. Thanks for sticking with me 🙂

start

This is where I am at right now. I weigh 100kgs (again), on the dot. My ass has got noticeably bigger. Everything is ‘jelly marshmallow’, as my husband puts it as kindly as he can, lol. My motivation was lost somewhere in the ether and I’ve been working around to getting started back up on this journey again.

I have had a baby, and my beautiful son is now almost 7 months old. During the pregnancy, I was very careful, very smart about my eating, and not just a little bit lucky, and I only put on 3 kgs by the time he was out.

But then came life with a baby. I was totally unprepared. A baby who doesn’t love to sleep much, at that. And a baby who is constantly dealing with tummy cramps and gas and has screaming fits if I eat a whole raft of foods, some of them what used to be my healthy staples.

So. SINCE the baby came out, I have put on 8 kgs. SO disappointed in myself. But pragmatic, too. I just couldn’t care about that as well as everything else over the last months. I had enough trouble with learning to be a mum, learning to deal with 4-5 hours of sleep per night, learning not to have a tantrum every time someone woke him up, learning to reach for cake and biscuits and whatever the heck I could reach from the breastfeeding chair where I was hungry, hungry, HUNGRY no matter what I packed in. Sigh.

So now I need to make my way back. It’s a long way back, or it feels like it. It took me a long time to lose 10kgs last time, but I don’t have that luxury this time, as I want to have another child sometime very soon, which means I need to get this weight off fast. I hope what I have learnt so far helps me do that more efficiently this time!!

Sigh, wish me luck lol.

Repeat After Me: it’s time to get this train back on the track. Indeed.

Getting back off the crazy train…

So I’m noticing, like most things in life, that not a lot happens to you without you allowing it to happen. Okay, sure, there the terrible and sad events in life which sadly seem to be a permanent part of this flawed world we live in, and if we focussed on those things in life I think we’d go insane and lose all direction. I can’t answer for those things, but I can answer for the things I have control over. My thoughts, my actions, my words to others, ..my emotions.

I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely here a big part because I’ve spend a lot of time shifting the blame onto someone (anyone!) else, in order to avoid taking on the very difficult responsibility and journey of changing myself. Why? Because it’s damn hard!! And because every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, another area of my life rears its head and demands attention, and upsets the apple cart all over again! For example, my husband and I have been going to marriage counselling, which, while at times tiring and emotional, has been extremely useful and wonderful for instilling some new hope and direction in our marriage. So on that front, I’ve been feeling positive and like we’re getting somewhere and on top of things, but then BAM, we decide to go to NZ, and all our plans and ideas are up in the air, we’re changing country, and house, and car, and jobs, and hubby will be unemployed, and we don’t REALLY know what to expect, and it’s more than a bit scary. And I’ve always been the adventurous one, the let’s-go-do-it one, but this time I think I’m just SO OVER shifting and changing and starting again, 4th time in 4 years in our 3rd new city, that I’ve been feeling really negative about it all… and taking it out on hubby, who has been wonderful through it all, but it’s starting to wear thin. I’m going to have to get control of myself again, and quickly, before I destroy the good things we built during counselling and during my last 6 months of WW.

It’s funny though, even while I’m rolling in self pity, or grumping at hubby, or feeling stressed about the length of the to-do list, there is always still this little part of my brain, right up the back somewhere, that’s going, Anna – it’s not that bad, Anna – you’ve seen worse, Anna – there are actually more good things here than you can count, stop being a whiner. Get control of your emotions, stop being emotionally lazy and allowing yourself to ride the rollercoaster of ‘whatever I feel, I am.’ You don’t have to be that person.

I mean, I was that person at 15, but as an adult, I can take a little more responsibility for where and who I am, I should think! ..touch wood.. I can do things a little more graciously. I can note the good thing hubby is doing and encourage him instead of pointing out the things he gets wrong. I can be grateful that I’m not stacking on weight like I used to in a stressful time and am at least maintaining the 10kgs I’ve lost. I can appreciate my friends and family and make time to chat or skype them whether I am heading to live near them or moving further away. I can ask myself whether something is a big enough issue that it will still be a problem in a month before I blow up at someone or have a pity party. I can choose to focus on the positives of the beautiful and exciting aspects of the place I’m going, rather than the scary or negative ones.

I can do a little better than I’ve been doing, and have a little more fun along the way. So… I’m working on a little attitude adjustment here… not allowing the crazy train to run my life no more! 🙂 Well – that’s the plan. We’ll see how I go!

A key to my weight loss….

key

I’ve worked out one of my keys to staying on track for the day.

Tracking is imperative – I’ve tracked every day for over 6 months now… but it’s when I do it that really counts – I sit and write down my points for during the day while I eat breaky. Then I go off and usually stick to it pretty well. But sometimes I eat unexpected things, or have a few too many points on snacks, and if I don’t track those when I get home, inevitably I’ll be over my points by the end of the night.

So the key –for me – is tracking before I make dinner. If I know what I’ve had for the day and I work out how many points I’ve got left for the day, I’m so much more likely to keep to my points for the day. I can choose a dinner that suits what I’ve got left, and I can have or not have snacks or treats based on it.

Anyhoo. For me who’s coming out of a 4-week slide, it’s good to find these keys. I’m back at my 10kgs and hoping this move to ProPoints doesn’t change the trend as my sneaky WI was high this morning – but then that happens at least once a week so I’m learning to ignore it..

Would love to know what your keys are – got any gems for me? xx

The biggest changes are not the numbers..

This whole losing weight thing is really crazy.

You get fat with your head in the sand, your life on autopilot and your will lying on the couch whining, ‘I can’t do it.’ Your clothes get tight, so you buy bigger ones and ignore the tags, or cut them off. You feel like crap from all the junk you eat, and you tell yourself ‘I’m treating myself’ and ‘I deserve it.’ You start being embarrassed about how you look in photos so you refuse to be in them or hide behind the camera. You feel uncomfortable and start noticing that people don’t look you in the eye as much, don’t smile at you as much. You start putting up walls and telling yourself that if they are judging the book by it’s cover, then they haven’t got the right to read it. You socialise less. You start to feel like the one on the outside of the group, whether it’s true or not. You start to see things differently, more negatively. You console yourself by eating more and ignoring what you’re doing to yourself – focussing instead on what others are doing to you. Everything becomes their fault, you pass the blame on to anyone but the one person who can do something about it. You feel helpless and worthless and weak.

Wow. It’s certainly a long way down.

And then…

You finally realise that nothing’s going to change unless you change it. It might have taken a long time to work it out, but you finally get to the place where you are ready to do something about it, ready to admit the habits that have been running your life need to change. You start to take some action and the more action you take, the more powerful you feel. Each positive change opens the way for more actions, more processes. You start feeling better about life, about your place in the world, even if the weight is coming off slowly. You begin to realise that you always had the ability to change things, you just didn’t give yourself enough credit. You make some good habits, and these carry you through a few tough spots where you really doubt yourself, and then you come out the other side feeling like you’ve proven to yourself that you have a little ‘stickability.’ It feels good. You start to look at other areas of your life – your relationships, your workplace, your attitudes. And once the weight finally starts coming off, whether fast or slow, you start to see physical evidence of your journey.

If you still think this is all about numbers on a scale, you’re dreaming. This is so much bigger than that.

I for one am stoked about what I’m seeing in my life. I really hope you’re feeling the same way. 🙂

Toughen up!

Something that stuck out to me on this weight loss show i watched once was something said by Gillian Michaels. She was pushing this poor chick to her limit and the girl was refusing to give up, just getting hammered harder and harder and keeping going, and at one point she stopped between sets, wasted, and said to Gillian, “Does it get easier?” and Gillian replied, “No, but you get tougher.”

kg weight

Her reaction was about the same as mine, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then kept ploughing forward. I was a bit disappointed with the answer, but at the same time I was grateful to Gillian that she didn’t say some motivational bullcrap instead of being honest. So many times people say rubbish, “You can do anything,” “Here’s a quick fix,” “This will make everything easy.” The bottom line is, there are no quick fixes. Things only get easier because we get better at doing them, not because it’s any less difficult to do. We exercise our self control and will power every time we say no to something and stick to our guns. We get better at taking responsibility for our own actions every time we choose to face the facts instead of making an excuse. We learn to fight our minds as things get harder and push into new territory instead of staying in our comfort zone. What we are doing right now is still hard – we’re just better at it because we’ve been doing it for a while. If I stopped all the good things I’m doing right now, and stuck my head in the sand for a few months – I’d end up back where I started and it would all be damn hard again. Man – I do not want to go back there.

I feel stronger and fitter than I’ve been in years. I feel prouder of myself than I’ve been in years. I feel more in control of my life and choices than I have in years.

Is it easy now? Heck no.

But I’m getting tougher – and I love it.

The Road Back to Being in Control…

It’s funny how losing a few kgs can affect us in so many ways. I’ve lost so little in the grand scheme of things, but I have gained so much as well in terms of positive changes and growth. We can get so stagnant when we are unhappy with ourselves.

We feel unworthy, unloved, ungrateful. We hide behind our unhappiness and our layers and allow ourselves to stick our heads in the sand. Let’s face it, none of us got this way because we were being honest with ourselves and looking at the facts. We all denied reality, blamed it on someone else, made excuses, bought bigger clothes and tried to tell ourselves that the clothes are a smaller fit, the tag didn’t matter. That’s not the healthy, strong, proactive mindset of a woman in control of her life. That’s the weak-willed, pushover, victim mindset of a woman in the passenger seat, who’ll never really get the most out of life.

I no longer want to be that woman. I have wasted a bit of time, and I guess I did that for reasons that were right at the time – but I will not keep doing it. Once we wake up and look at the facts as they are, we can begin to change the things we no longer like. I am not just changing what I eat, I’m changing how think, how I respond to my emotions, how I react to others around me. I think a lot of it is about being the one who makes the choices, instead of having choices foisted upon you, or allowing yourself to be pushed and pulled around by circumstances, people, emotions.

When I go to a party, I am not forced to put food in my mouth, I can choose what suits me and I find other things to do when I’ve eaten enough. On a weekend, I do not have to ruin my week because I’m going out, I can make smart choices and still enjoy the atmosphere of my surroundings. In front of the TV, I don’t have to eat the chips my husband pulls out, I can think about the meal I just ate and have a cup of orange tea. Learning to be in control again, after so many years of giving in to every whim and fancy, is not easy. But it’s worth it. I am in control of my body and thoughts, they are not in control of me.

This journey is so worth it. I’m glad I’m doing it now – I’m so glad I didn’t put it off any longer and waste more time. It’s hard, sure – it’s frustrating, definitely – but it’s so rewarding, and I’m not going to stop until I’m done.

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