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Repeat After Me

Surviving Life, Love & Babies..

Me Right Now.. Starting from Scratch.

So. I’m all caught up, and I want to move forward from here. Thanks for sticking with me 🙂

start

This is where I am at right now. I weigh 100kgs (again), on the dot. My ass has got noticeably bigger. Everything is ‘jelly marshmallow’, as my husband puts it as kindly as he can, lol. My motivation was lost somewhere in the ether and I’ve been working around to getting started back up on this journey again.

I have had a baby, and my beautiful son is now almost 7 months old. During the pregnancy, I was very careful, very smart about my eating, and not just a little bit lucky, and I only put on 3 kgs by the time he was out.

But then came life with a baby. I was totally unprepared. A baby who doesn’t love to sleep much, at that. And a baby who is constantly dealing with tummy cramps and gas and has screaming fits if I eat a whole raft of foods, some of them what used to be my healthy staples.

So. SINCE the baby came out, I have put on 8 kgs. SO disappointed in myself. But pragmatic, too. I just couldn’t care about that as well as everything else over the last months. I had enough trouble with learning to be a mum, learning to deal with 4-5 hours of sleep per night, learning not to have a tantrum every time someone woke him up, learning to reach for cake and biscuits and whatever the heck I could reach from the breastfeeding chair where I was hungry, hungry, HUNGRY no matter what I packed in. Sigh.

So now I need to make my way back. It’s a long way back, or it feels like it. It took me a long time to lose 10kgs last time, but I don’t have that luxury this time, as I want to have another child sometime very soon, which means I need to get this weight off fast. I hope what I have learnt so far helps me do that more efficiently this time!!

Sigh, wish me luck lol.

Repeat After Me: it’s time to get this train back on the track. Indeed.

Getting back off the crazy train…

So I’m noticing, like most things in life, that not a lot happens to you without you allowing it to happen. Okay, sure, there the terrible and sad events in life which sadly seem to be a permanent part of this flawed world we live in, and if we focussed on those things in life I think we’d go insane and lose all direction. I can’t answer for those things, but I can answer for the things I have control over. My thoughts, my actions, my words to others, ..my emotions.

I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely here a big part because I’ve spend a lot of time shifting the blame onto someone (anyone!) else, in order to avoid taking on the very difficult responsibility and journey of changing myself. Why? Because it’s damn hard!! And because every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, another area of my life rears its head and demands attention, and upsets the apple cart all over again! For example, my husband and I have been going to marriage counselling, which, while at times tiring and emotional, has been extremely useful and wonderful for instilling some new hope and direction in our marriage. So on that front, I’ve been feeling positive and like we’re getting somewhere and on top of things, but then BAM, we decide to go to NZ, and all our plans and ideas are up in the air, we’re changing country, and house, and car, and jobs, and hubby will be unemployed, and we don’t REALLY know what to expect, and it’s more than a bit scary. And I’ve always been the adventurous one, the let’s-go-do-it one, but this time I think I’m just SO OVER shifting and changing and starting again, 4th time in 4 years in our 3rd new city, that I’ve been feeling really negative about it all… and taking it out on hubby, who has been wonderful through it all, but it’s starting to wear thin. I’m going to have to get control of myself again, and quickly, before I destroy the good things we built during counselling and during my last 6 months of WW.

It’s funny though, even while I’m rolling in self pity, or grumping at hubby, or feeling stressed about the length of the to-do list, there is always still this little part of my brain, right up the back somewhere, that’s going, Anna – it’s not that bad, Anna – you’ve seen worse, Anna – there are actually more good things here than you can count, stop being a whiner. Get control of your emotions, stop being emotionally lazy and allowing yourself to ride the rollercoaster of ‘whatever I feel, I am.’ You don’t have to be that person.

I mean, I was that person at 15, but as an adult, I can take a little more responsibility for where and who I am, I should think! ..touch wood.. I can do things a little more graciously. I can note the good thing hubby is doing and encourage him instead of pointing out the things he gets wrong. I can be grateful that I’m not stacking on weight like I used to in a stressful time and am at least maintaining the 10kgs I’ve lost. I can appreciate my friends and family and make time to chat or skype them whether I am heading to live near them or moving further away. I can ask myself whether something is a big enough issue that it will still be a problem in a month before I blow up at someone or have a pity party. I can choose to focus on the positives of the beautiful and exciting aspects of the place I’m going, rather than the scary or negative ones.

I can do a little better than I’ve been doing, and have a little more fun along the way. So… I’m working on a little attitude adjustment here… not allowing the crazy train to run my life no more! 🙂 Well – that’s the plan. We’ll see how I go!

Baby Food, Maybe Food..

So. Continuation of the baby food exploration.

I’ve realised that my son has a sweet tooth the size of China, and I really need to do something about balancing that up. Was thinking about different flavours, textures and food styles, and am going to try to have a variety of them in his diet – just so he can keep trying new things. I so don’t want a kid who won’t eat anything but pasta and tomato sauce later!!

So:

Sweet – far too easy and obvious, but: Sweet Potato, Pumpkin, Fruits – Prunes, Bananas, Mangoes, Pears, Peaches, Grapes, Berries, etc, Carrot, canned Beetroot, Custard..

Sour/Tart  – Kiwifruit, Grapes, Lemon, Yoghurt, Sour Cream, Pickles, Cranberries, Pineapple, Lime..

Salty/Savoury – Crackers, Seaweed, Meat and veg mixes, Vegetable mixes..

Bitter – Rocket, Spinach, Kale, Brussels Sprouts..

Creamy – mushy peas, Avocado, Cheese, mashed Potato/Kumera, Egg Yolk, Peanut Butter, Corn..

Crunchy – Capsicum, raw Carrot, raw Apple, raw Broccoli, Snow Peas, Celery..

Spicy – Garlic, Chilli, Curry, Ginger..

Watery – Melons, Celery, Cucumber..

Chewy/Rubbery – Pita Bread, Broccoli stems, Green Beans, Lychees, Pineapple, Noodles..

Soft – Pancakes, Scrambled Egg, Banana, Avocado..

lemons

…..Off to make some scrambled eggs for breaky. If the boy is lucky, he might get some.. maybe.. 🙂

Sidebar – I love Leo..

So just for the record, I think Leonardo Dicaprio is the hottest man alive.

Leonardo DiCaprio
Leonardo DiCaprio

Pity about the huge ego, pity about the unavailability-fear-of-commitment-thing, but man, has he got better with age! Fell in love all over again in Blood Diamond. Just saw it again.. sigh..

Don’t get me wrong, I love hubby, but I’ve already had to let him know I’d have to leave him if Leo came my way. He knows where he stands.

Honesty is the most important thing in a marriage, after all. 🙂

A key to my weight loss….

key

I’ve worked out one of my keys to staying on track for the day.

Tracking is imperative – I’ve tracked every day for over 6 months now… but it’s when I do it that really counts – I sit and write down my points for during the day while I eat breaky. Then I go off and usually stick to it pretty well. But sometimes I eat unexpected things, or have a few too many points on snacks, and if I don’t track those when I get home, inevitably I’ll be over my points by the end of the night.

So the key –for me – is tracking before I make dinner. If I know what I’ve had for the day and I work out how many points I’ve got left for the day, I’m so much more likely to keep to my points for the day. I can choose a dinner that suits what I’ve got left, and I can have or not have snacks or treats based on it.

Anyhoo. For me who’s coming out of a 4-week slide, it’s good to find these keys. I’m back at my 10kgs and hoping this move to ProPoints doesn’t change the trend as my sneaky WI was high this morning – but then that happens at least once a week so I’m learning to ignore it..

Would love to know what your keys are – got any gems for me? xx

Baby Food Schmaby Food..

Vegetable-Colours-whiteGawsh, well I put this one off as long as I could, but I’m finally into giving my son solids, and he generally loves it. Problem is, I’m in a rut already. A couple of weeks in. Ha.

He loves his pumpkin, sweet potato and carrot. He hated rice cereal till I laced it with honey and pear, but then it plugged him up for 13 days, so that was the end of that. So on the ole mother-in-laws suggestion I started him on some oatmeal and pear, but when that didn’t work, I rang a community nurse who gave me heaps of good advice on how to get him pooping again and also happened to mention that oatmeal will plug him up more as his tummy isn’t ready for it till about 9 months. Joy. Too many rookie mistakes here!! So I started him on stewed prunes and pear, which he seemed to love for the first 3 days then turned his nose up at for the next week. Aaaaand, that’s about where I’m at.

In my other post I mentioned that I’m avoiding a whole raft of foods because they make dear son burp, fart and screech till all hours with tummy cramps, so I am not game to try feeding those things directly to him (seeing the miniscule amount he gets through breastmilk is enough push him off the normal wagon..) So. No broccoli, cauliflower, onions, leek, cabbage, lentils, beans, legumes, chocolate flavours or anything with caffeine (easy for baby but not for mummy!!) Cuts down my veg options a bit, which is annoying, as it’s all the cheap ones.

So I went off to look for new food ideas.

My friend and I came up with the idea to make coloured mixes of veggies for every day eating:

(And yes I know some of these are technically fruit, but I’m sticking with sweet vs savoury!! 🙂 )

Green Mix – Zucchini, Spinach, Beans & Peas, Bok Choi (for her, Cabbage & Broccoli as well)

Yellow – Capsicum, Squash, Corn,

White Mix – Parsnip, Potato, Yams, White Sweet Potato, Taro, Mushrooms (for her, Cauliflower)

Orange Mix – Carrot, Pumpkin, Sweet Potato (for her, onion)

Purple Mix – Eggplant, beetroot, turnip (Red Cabbage or Caulif for her)

Red – Capsicum, Tomato

And also some coloured fruit mixes:

Green – Green Apple, Kiwifruit,

Orange – Mandarin Oranges, Peaches, Nectarines,

White – Pear, Lychees, Coconut, Custard Apple,

Yellow – Pineapple, Banana, Mango

Red – Strawberries, Cherries, Raspberries, Cranberries

Purple – Blueberries, Prunes,  Figs, Grapes (no skin), Mulberries, Plums

I would have liked to add melons, but I don’t think they’d stew/mush up well for the freezer. I’m all into making a big batch and freezing some for another day. Why do more work than you have to??!!

So. We’ll see how I go. Want to try the green veggies mix first, or veggies other than orange at least, because my little man is going to turn orange soon!!

Repeat After Me: I will not end up feeding my child yoghurt at every meal instead of getting him to try healthy veggies and fruit 🙂

The biggest changes are not the numbers..

This whole losing weight thing is really crazy.

You get fat with your head in the sand, your life on autopilot and your will lying on the couch whining, ‘I can’t do it.’ Your clothes get tight, so you buy bigger ones and ignore the tags, or cut them off. You feel like crap from all the junk you eat, and you tell yourself ‘I’m treating myself’ and ‘I deserve it.’ You start being embarrassed about how you look in photos so you refuse to be in them or hide behind the camera. You feel uncomfortable and start noticing that people don’t look you in the eye as much, don’t smile at you as much. You start putting up walls and telling yourself that if they are judging the book by it’s cover, then they haven’t got the right to read it. You socialise less. You start to feel like the one on the outside of the group, whether it’s true or not. You start to see things differently, more negatively. You console yourself by eating more and ignoring what you’re doing to yourself – focussing instead on what others are doing to you. Everything becomes their fault, you pass the blame on to anyone but the one person who can do something about it. You feel helpless and worthless and weak.

Wow. It’s certainly a long way down.

And then…

You finally realise that nothing’s going to change unless you change it. It might have taken a long time to work it out, but you finally get to the place where you are ready to do something about it, ready to admit the habits that have been running your life need to change. You start to take some action and the more action you take, the more powerful you feel. Each positive change opens the way for more actions, more processes. You start feeling better about life, about your place in the world, even if the weight is coming off slowly. You begin to realise that you always had the ability to change things, you just didn’t give yourself enough credit. You make some good habits, and these carry you through a few tough spots where you really doubt yourself, and then you come out the other side feeling like you’ve proven to yourself that you have a little ‘stickability.’ It feels good. You start to look at other areas of your life – your relationships, your workplace, your attitudes. And once the weight finally starts coming off, whether fast or slow, you start to see physical evidence of your journey.

If you still think this is all about numbers on a scale, you’re dreaming. This is so much bigger than that.

I for one am stoked about what I’m seeing in my life. I really hope you’re feeling the same way. 🙂

Toughen up!

Something that stuck out to me on this weight loss show i watched once was something said by Gillian Michaels. She was pushing this poor chick to her limit and the girl was refusing to give up, just getting hammered harder and harder and keeping going, and at one point she stopped between sets, wasted, and said to Gillian, “Does it get easier?” and Gillian replied, “No, but you get tougher.”

kg weight

Her reaction was about the same as mine, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then kept ploughing forward. I was a bit disappointed with the answer, but at the same time I was grateful to Gillian that she didn’t say some motivational bullcrap instead of being honest. So many times people say rubbish, “You can do anything,” “Here’s a quick fix,” “This will make everything easy.” The bottom line is, there are no quick fixes. Things only get easier because we get better at doing them, not because it’s any less difficult to do. We exercise our self control and will power every time we say no to something and stick to our guns. We get better at taking responsibility for our own actions every time we choose to face the facts instead of making an excuse. We learn to fight our minds as things get harder and push into new territory instead of staying in our comfort zone. What we are doing right now is still hard – we’re just better at it because we’ve been doing it for a while. If I stopped all the good things I’m doing right now, and stuck my head in the sand for a few months – I’d end up back where I started and it would all be damn hard again. Man – I do not want to go back there.

I feel stronger and fitter than I’ve been in years. I feel prouder of myself than I’ve been in years. I feel more in control of my life and choices than I have in years.

Is it easy now? Heck no.

But I’m getting tougher – and I love it.

The Road Back to Being in Control…

It’s funny how losing a few kgs can affect us in so many ways. I’ve lost so little in the grand scheme of things, but I have gained so much as well in terms of positive changes and growth. We can get so stagnant when we are unhappy with ourselves.

We feel unworthy, unloved, ungrateful. We hide behind our unhappiness and our layers and allow ourselves to stick our heads in the sand. Let’s face it, none of us got this way because we were being honest with ourselves and looking at the facts. We all denied reality, blamed it on someone else, made excuses, bought bigger clothes and tried to tell ourselves that the clothes are a smaller fit, the tag didn’t matter. That’s not the healthy, strong, proactive mindset of a woman in control of her life. That’s the weak-willed, pushover, victim mindset of a woman in the passenger seat, who’ll never really get the most out of life.

I no longer want to be that woman. I have wasted a bit of time, and I guess I did that for reasons that were right at the time – but I will not keep doing it. Once we wake up and look at the facts as they are, we can begin to change the things we no longer like. I am not just changing what I eat, I’m changing how think, how I respond to my emotions, how I react to others around me. I think a lot of it is about being the one who makes the choices, instead of having choices foisted upon you, or allowing yourself to be pushed and pulled around by circumstances, people, emotions.

When I go to a party, I am not forced to put food in my mouth, I can choose what suits me and I find other things to do when I’ve eaten enough. On a weekend, I do not have to ruin my week because I’m going out, I can make smart choices and still enjoy the atmosphere of my surroundings. In front of the TV, I don’t have to eat the chips my husband pulls out, I can think about the meal I just ate and have a cup of orange tea. Learning to be in control again, after so many years of giving in to every whim and fancy, is not easy. But it’s worth it. I am in control of my body and thoughts, they are not in control of me.

This journey is so worth it. I’m glad I’m doing it now – I’m so glad I didn’t put it off any longer and waste more time. It’s hard, sure – it’s frustrating, definitely – but it’s so rewarding, and I’m not going to stop until I’m done.

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